On the Verge of Old

You may be on the verge of old if . . .

• You trade in your purebred greyhounds for an elderly Maltese 

 

• Ballet flats replace your stilettos

 

• Elastic waist pants creep into your wardrobe

 

• You gain poise by buying PoiseTM

 

• AARP sends you increasingly demanding promotional offers insinuating that you should respond promptly because your expiration date may be sooner than the one on the coupon

 

• You've gone from no eye glasses to six pair placed strategically about the house and car, but still require 60 minutes to find one

 

• A pre-schooler refers to your undyed roots as "old hair" and is perplexed on your behalf

 

• You think hash tag means chasing your brother around the front yard slinging meat and potatoes

 

• You guess that Twitter is the comparative form of twit (twittest, being the superlative).

 

• You are one of the thousands of Americans who asked their kids what "twerking" is, and why is Miley Cyrus doing it.