Friday, August 16, 2013

Student Driver

First, let me say that I feel so ashamed for taking such a long hiatus from "Resistant Gray" writing.  I really do love this little site despite the apparent neglect.  I've been working with a couple of weightier writing projects: ghost writing memoirs for a client and my novel.  So, let's all move on, shall we?

Recently I have been paying close attention to stuff that weaves its way into the life of a stalwart Resister-of-Gray moonlighting as a community college student.  Below is a short list of some of those truths recently discovered behind the wheel.

On driving. . .
-- The longer your driver's license is expired the more carefully you drive.

-- An able bodied person ought to be able to use an unoccupied public parking space reserved for handicapped people who are "no-shows."

On attending junior college. . .
-- A 50-year-old student can go places on campus where 20-year-old students are not allowed, providing you appear to be a perfectly sane professor.  And you do not even have to carry a clipboard!

On driving on a junior college campus. . .
-- If you are a daring 50-year-old junior college student working your way through campus by car, you may find an unoccupied parking space reserved for handicapped people who are "no-shows."  You may want to borrow the space for a few minutes.  If you choose not to risk borrowing said space, and you proceed further along your current path, you may end up where all the picnic tables park.  If you end up where all the picnic tables park, your Lexus will stand out like a sore thumb, and the drivers of the picnic tables will stare at you as if to say, "Get that gas guzzling, snooty 4-door sedan outta here before we call the cafe police.  This is an exhaust-free area."

On driving on a junior college campus wearing multi-purpose clothing. . .
-- Bike shorts or long leg underpants?  How can you tell them apart?  They are like those pictures that you stare at until the hidden image comes into focus.  Recently, while driving on a junior college campus, I had to explain this phenomenon. 
     "These are bike shorts, officer, not long leg underpants.  If you look long enough you will be able to tell that.  And this, my good man, is a sports bra.  Now kindly remove these bracelets.  They don't go with my ensemble.  My driver's license?  You want to see my driver's license?  Hold on, I think it's on the clipboard I left on the seat of my picnic table."